tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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