his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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