Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Remember that time you hooked up with him?

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  (908): Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit? (617) Remember that time you hooked up with him? http://tfl.nu/yz0c
  Replies (7) Good night (758) Bad night (1439)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!

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  (214): Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first! http://tfl.nu/apjf
  Replies (3) Good night (2080) Bad night (612)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  so you masturbated because Oprah told you?

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  (603): so you masturbated because Oprah told you? http://tfl.nu/qr8j
  Replies (11) Good night (3447) Bad night (1204)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.

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  (216): It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm. http://tfl.nu/14tt
  Replies (23) Good night (3394) Bad night (766)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"

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  (778): we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza" http://tfl.nu/yszc
  Replies (11) Good night (3928) Bad night (591)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!

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  (401): This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan! http://tfl.nu/8a5r
  Replies (26) Good night (5353) Bad night (988)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk

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  (585): there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk http://tfl.nu/9sjy
  Replies (21) Good night (1615) Bad night (3924)
• Favorite

  (226): View more from Ontario

  This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon

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  (226): This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon http://tfl.nu/4pbx
  Replies (43) Good night (14340) Bad night (2358)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.

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  (330): just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people. http://tfl.nu/iaht
  Replies (12) Good night (13608) Bad night (1338)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high

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  (610): he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high http://tfl.nu/1b4w
  Replies (2) Good night (1629) Bad night (862)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes

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  (802): stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes http://tfl.nu/hzj5
  Replies (16) Good night (839) Bad night (2097)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!

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  (415): The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco! http://tfl.nu/lulq
  Replies (5) Good night (1498) Bad night (568)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.

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  (925): If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living. http://tfl.nu/hoy7
  Replies (7) Good night (991) Bad night (668)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.

  (1-719): View more from Colorado

  Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!

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  (719): My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck. (1-719): Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER! http://tfl.nu/1zbw
  Replies (1) Good night (1628) Bad night (371)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump

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  (585): Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump http://tfl.nu/n5lk
  Replies (1) Good night (457) Bad night (327)

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