Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(773): View more from Illinois

So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first

Fav 13 2743 1372
share tweet
(704): View more from North Carolina

I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.

Fav 18 999 5218
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(773): View more from Illinois

well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.

Fav 19 6428 1494
share tweet
(512): View more from Texas

someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP

Fav 19 5649 3027
share tweet
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(219): View more from Indiana

By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone

Fav 8 4399 1199
share tweet
(908): View more from New Jersey

It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!

Fav 20 8290 1344
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(530): View more from California

Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'

Fav 3 3081 1276
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(410): View more from Maryland

We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.

Fav 26 4752 990
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(305): View more from Florida

I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.

Fav 2 533 348
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT