I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today