well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
