I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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