i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
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I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
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Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"