I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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