You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
two words...techno handjob
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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