I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
