You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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