Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
