Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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