how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
