did you get engaged???
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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