drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
