Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
