Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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