New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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