My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
