also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
