seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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