Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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