if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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