i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
