I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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