did you get engaged???
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
