i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
