If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
