Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
