Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
