do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
