Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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