Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
