I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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