U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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