Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
