his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Pants are for mortals
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