I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
