i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
