do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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