There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
