dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
