why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
