Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
