What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
