Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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