Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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