Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
