So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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