My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we're making bets on your personal life
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
