She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
