I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
