not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
