You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well I just put wine in my tea
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
