you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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