I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
