She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
