On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
