Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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