You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i wish my penis had a tongue
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
