Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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