First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
