Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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