Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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