When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
