He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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