Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
