I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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