3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
