please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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