a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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