so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
