Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
