I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
