I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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