she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
