Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
