Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
