Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
