scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
