theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
