NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
