Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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