Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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