dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
