I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize