I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
