Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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