Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
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And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Dear god my vagina.
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