The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
