I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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